Sixteen Candles

I haven't seen that movie in so long, so it may be entirely inappropriate, but we'll just go with it.

SIXTEEN!! Emily Grace, my Emmy G, turns sixteen today.

For her birthday present, Earl and I brought her out to California for a week with her *favorite* sister and brother-in-law.  We had a blast.  We went to the beach a few times, watched crazy surf crash the shore, saw Gumby & Pokee run by, ate ice cream on the pier, had a few skateboard lessons, chased seagulls, visited Alcatraz (and made it out!!), hung out with the Chinese in Chinatown, ate crab at Fisherman's Wharf, woke up WAY too early a few days, took a nap on the side of the I-5 so we wouldn't die driving home, had some Taco Bell, went on a ferris wheel and closed our eyes so we wouldn't be too scared, had some ice cream in Ghiradelli Square, watched TV, trekked across the Golden Gate bridge, got in the way of bikers on said bridge, listened to Earl play guitar, rode cable cars, saw about 60 fat and lazy and OH SO CUTE sea lions and watched the sunset over the Pacific Ocean.

Lots of memories, lots of love, a few tears, a little bit of attitude (mine - I was so tired!).

A great trip for a sweet awesome fantastic little sister.

I hope this trip burns into your heart and mind how much we both love you. You are worth every penny spent and more! Happy birthday!! I love you!!

Worship Is...

The theme over the past week has been "worship."  What is worship? How is it displayed in our lives?

After flying back home to California from Canada last year, I went to a Ladies' Study and the teaching was on worship and how it's displayed in our lives.  This is what I shared that Tuesday evening last October.

Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house; and a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them, when the Sabeans raided them and took them away—indeed they have killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!” 

While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you!” 

While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the camels and took them away, yes, and killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!” 

While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and suddenly a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people, and they are dead; and I alone have escaped to tell you!” 

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” 

Worship is choosing to give God the glory due His name not because of our circumstances, but in spite of our circumstances.

Now, at that point, I had dissolved into a puddle of tears and I couldn't say anything else, but I would add that when we are at that place of being able to praise His name in the storm, it's sweet to Him. Our praise is that sweet smelling aroma.  The teaching at church today was on John 12 when Mary anoints Jesus' feet with the costly oil.  When our worship costs us something, when it comes from brokenness, it fills our lives and those around us with the fragrance.

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.  Hebrews 13:15

Six Months...A Year Later

Here we are. A year after we found out what we had been suspecting for a month or so - the cancer had spread.

The day before I had passed the third and final part of my Enrolled Agent certification exam and the office threw me a celebration breakfast.  After lunch I got a call from Mommy.  It was hard to understand her. Her speech was all but gone from the effects of radiation and biopsies.  I thought she said we wouldn't know more for six more months. What she was really saying was "The doctors said I only have six more months to live."

To this day it still knocks the breath out of my lungs and my chest tightens. 

I went home, collapsed on my bed in a puddle of tears and wondered "Why?" Not in a "How dare you God" way, but a "Help me to see" way.

Last week my friend said that she was grateful that we have a God who is bigger than our understanding, because if we could figure Him out, what would be the point of serving Him? 

Last year I couldn't see that six months would really only be six weeks.

Last year I couldn't see the depth of pain that losing her would leave me with.

Last year I couldn't see her asking me "Am I still alive? I haven't died yet?" in the middle of the night at the hospital.

In God's grace, He didn't allow me to see.  He allowed me to be confused and in the dark so I could face the next day, the next moment, the next year.

He also did not show me that my pain would allow me to comfort others and share what I had learned.  Or that through this year we would grow closer to Him and to each other. 

I sense the beginning of the wave of emotions as we come closer to six weeks from now.  And I am grateful that God does not show us more than we can handle on any given day.  Friends, take comfort in knowing that what He shows us and allows to take place in our lives is always good and full of grace. In His compassion, He worked this out for our good. And yes, that means, that He felt it was best to take her HOME than to leave her with us.  I know that was good and full of grace - even if I can't see it.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1