Being miles away from my family during this time is very difficult. Mommy started chemo yesterday and we were sure (based on them assuring us of it) she would not feel sick for a few days. Last night she started feeling nausea and other things. Of course, in trying to determine if it was indeed side effects from the chemo I type in "Chemo side effects" in google and get a list a mile long. Seriously.
Now, obviously, my mom won't feel all these side effects, but it is a bit daunting. And the doctors indicated they think she will be feeling better tomorrow. And Katherine has been amazing taking care of Mommy.
It's strange being so far away from her, the reality of the "chaos cancer brings," the doctors, the hospital, the chemo room. She is on my mind every moment, but sometimes it's tucked back a little bit because I've got work deadlines and scheduling on my mind too. And then there are moments when it's like a wave crashing on the shore and every emotion springs to my eyes as hot tears and I'm sitting at my desk at work grateful my back is facing everyone and they can't see me blink away the tears. They don't see my body tense as I try to "hold it together" at work. When I get in my car at the end of the day and I drive through the tears home and into Earl's arms. When the tsunami of emotions hit and my heart is overwhelmed I cling to the Rock that is higher than I. I go to higher ground. I lift up my eyes to the hills for I know where my help comes from.
I so wish I could take your pain away, but God can what I can't do. Love you!
ReplyDeleteMy help comes from YOU, maker of Heaven, Creator of the EARTH
ReplyDeleteOh, how we need you Lord, you are our only hope, you are our only prayer. So I will wait for you, to come and rescue me, to come and give me life.
A song I sang when I was little, I'm sure you know it too.
Your mama is constantly on my mind as well, and while I can't imagine the horrible depth of pain that comes from knowing that your mommy is sick, I can pray alongside of you, and lift you up as well. And that's what I will do. Know that your whole family is cloaked in prayer from many many people who love each one of you. Let Earl know that we are praying for him too.
i am waiting for my chemo appt and missing you. KB and I went to a market place here and i thought of you everywhere i went... love you and your sissies so much and i cried reading danas comment, started missing the boys, such a sap i am
ReplyDeletePlease let your mom know that Gudrun sends her love, good wishes and prayers - for all of you!
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom battled breast cancer 15 years ago, I lived in Chicago. (Baby) Edison and I drove down for her mastectomy surgery when he was just 5 months old.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I could not be there/here for her chemo appointments. It was hard. So hard. But, like your mom, mine was surrounded by her sister and family -- and a church family (my church family, now) that held onto them with everything they had.
I truly believe God provides these "safety nets" as it were, to protect our loved ones and to help care for them when life takes us to other places.
And as she just said -- you were there with her, as she walked through that marketplace. :) And that makes my heart feel so much better.
Melinda, you are in my prayers. I know it must be so hard not being able to be with your mom right now. I empathize with you in all the emotions you are feeling through your mom's sickness. I know just how hard it is, how painful and unbearable it feels and I am sorry you have to walk this road. I pray God will strengthen you and keep you in his care and that you will feel His presence like never before as you journey through these difficult days.
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